(sorry for the old photo)
There is a split personality disorder happening inside my skull every day. I don't mean the clinical kind that requires medication (though perhaps it should). I mean the constant battle between two versions of myself that somehow must coexist in one perpetually jet-lagged, Ukrainian-born body.
First Igor: the artist. He's interested in humanity, in how terrible things happen, how inadvertently funny humans are, in exploring what is unexplainable or difficult to understand. This Igor studies human behavior like a scientist observing strange creatures through glass and is truly in awe of what he sees. He doesn't want to promote any agenda—not because he's afraid, but because he finds it more interesting to dive into the murky waters of human complexity without a life jacket of predetermined conclusions.
Then there's the second Igor: the person, the human being with strong opinions and feelings. When this Igor reads something shocking or watches the news, he reacts with the full force of his background and beliefs. "What the fuck?!" is his battle cry. He has definite ideas about right and wrong. He takes sides.
The artist in me wants to create work that asks difficult questions without providing easy answers. Work that doesn't tell you what to think but makes you think. Work that examines humanity's capacity for both beauty and horror.
But the human in me sometimes watches what the artist is doing and thinks, "Are you serious right now? Just tell them who the bad guys are!"
My friend Sara somehow manages to work with both of these Igors, poor woman. She believes in my work enough to follow me into edgy territory (or at least that's what I tell myself when I see her questioning expression). She helps me formulate my artistic vision while gently suggesting that perhaps my second Igor has some valid points too.
So here I am, multiple personality disorder in full swing, creating theater that hopefully captures some truth about our messy, complicated existence. And if you ever meet me and think I'm contradicting myself, now you know—you're probably talking to different Igors. Just wait five minutes and another one might show up.
Who knows? Maybe there's even a third Igor I haven't met yet. G-d help us all if there is.
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